For a relationship to really work it needs to be based on real identities.
It is clear that communication is essential in relationships, but it is not everything; there is something more. No matter how much information flows between two lovers, these data can be interpreted in the wrong way. And this happens more often than it might seem, among other things, because at the time of forming a mental image of our partner we are prone to build a skewed version of it.
In fact, it makes sense that it is so since as in the context of a romantic relationship there are many emotions and feelings at play. The implications of imagining the other person in one way or another have serious consequences for what we experience, and therefore the human brain directs that process of creating the concept of the other so that, in part, it fits what suits us…
- How to get a positive mental attitude, Follow these 6 tips(Opens in a new browser tab)
- 10 keys to take love life with philosophy(Opens in a new browser tab)
- Symptoms of falling in love that we have all ever experienced
However, this biased view of the other is also maintained, in part, so that a relationship enjoys good health and is not dysfunctional it is absolutely necessary to get the other person to know our true Self, to give him the opportunity to accept it.
Why it matters that your partner knows your authentic “I”
Achieving a good degree of rapport with the couple goes far beyond appearances, the fact that everyone sees that “there is chemistry” among you. Actually, that the couple knows who we really are is something that is not only good; It is necessary for the relationship to have solid foundations. Below you can find the reasons for this.
1. Understand who the couple really is
People are not just their bodies, their words, and their actions. Behind each one of them, there are intentions, concerns, priorities of life and a proper way of perceiving reality. It is, therefore, a stratum of identity that is deeper than what we see and hear from the other person. To come to understand well what this “I” consists of demands effort, but it is a totally necessary sacrifice.
Creating an effective bond like that of a romantic relationship means that the person our partner has fallen in love with really exists beyond their imagination.
2. Anticipate the needs of the other
A good part of what it means to live together is to make life easier for each other, to make situations of fatigue are minimized. Although we can idealize relationships, they will be dysfunctional if their members do not complement each other in everyday life. If you do not really understand the other, many of the attempts to help you will be wrong.
3. Really support the other
That they understand your true “I” implies that the other person really understands what life projects really matter to you. In this way, you can support yourself by making decisions that in any other person would seem unreasonable but in reality, respond to the internal logic of what you want for your life.
4. Obtaining validation
Human beings do not like to feel that we are isolated and that we exist in a vacuum. If the couple understands us, they know how to validate us authentically and effectively; instead of performing compliments constantly (which would make them lose their value), they offer samples of admiration and affection in a more appropriate way, where they fit, instead of flooding everything with them.
5. Something more than the individual is created
When our identity really connects with the other, we become part of something that is beyond ourselves. This is an important source of purpose in life that feeds the good health of the couple. Of course, at no time do we stop being people with their own concerns and sensibilities, but a part of us projects beyond individuality.
6. You understand better
From the experience of the other with our true self, we learn about ourselves; we can not stand on the sidelines how someone reacts to the idea that we exist, that we are there and we are really beyond all conventions and appearances. In turn, this information serves to yield more in the Emotional Intelligence necessary to manage the relationship and its potential conflicts that may cause it to falter.
You give an opportunity to rejection
The simple fact of making the other really know us exposes us to the possibility of rejection. This, in itself, is a sign of commitment, maturity, and responsibility. The relationship that emerges from that context will be authentic, provided that this dynamic is symmetrical: the other person also Be discovered as it is, gives an opportunity to decide what it really is.