What is limerence? A summary of the main characteristics of limerence, limerence is a kind of obsession for love.
The state of falling in love is a transitory stage where intense emotions appear towards the loved one, which gradually quiets down to give way to a period of emotional stability that strengthens the relationship.
From here, and if all goes well, the relationship is built under a strong bond of love, respect, intimacy, and trust.
This phase of infatuation in which we are fascinated by the beloved person and that sets in motion chemical mechanisms in our brain that fill us with desire, euphoria, and excitement involuntarily, ceases to be healthy when there is a strong need to have corresponded obsessively. That’s when we talk about limerence.
Related article: Love and emotional dependence: 7 differences between them
What is limerence?
Limerence, as defined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, is an involuntary interpersonal state that implies an acute desire for emotional reciprocity; obsessive-compulsive thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person. We talk about an obsessive-compulsive disorder focused on the loved object.
10 keys to detect limerence
The 10 most important symptoms to consider that describe limerence are the following:
1. Circular thoughts towards the loved one
Everything leads to a loved one. Every event, place or moment reminds us of being loved and everything focuses on it. These are recurring thoughts of an obsessive type, which revolve around each other with the intention of discovering and checking if you want us to the same extent.
2. Afraid of being rejected of others
Excessive anxiety appears when thinking about the possible rejection of the other, even with physical manifestations of anxiety such as tachycardia, tremor, hyperventilation, dizziness, etc.
3. Overwhelming behaviors
The obsessive fear of not being reciprocated translates into compulsive behaviors of verification, such as asking the other person directly about his feelings or writing messages to him to discuss topics of interest, compulsively asking others what they think about the relationship, etc.
4. Feeling of euphoria in the face of attention signals, whether real or not
This can happen during the crush in a normal way, the difference is that many times distort reality in favor disproportionately, trying to convince yourself with every little detail, that it is significant and that determines that the other corresponds to us.
5. Constant fantasies of reunion and recreation of the meetings lived
Again, or the difference here with the normal phase of falling in love is its obsessive and almost constant character. The person can spend hours fantasizing without stopping.
6. Lack of emotional control because of obsession
The obsessive and therefore anxious condition of limerance will inevitably lead to distorted thoughts and emotional reactions of instability.
7. Unwanted thoughts about the other person
Thinking about the other does not respond to our control, in addition, the fear of rejection leads to negative thoughts about the feelings of the loved one, of an obsessive type, and that influence the emotional destabilization described in the previous point.
8. The idealization of the beloved person
During the crush, we all idealize the other, but in limerance, the obsession to be loved by the other and the constant need to prove it is disproportionate, unable to hear criticism or assume that the other has defects. In this way, the distortion over the other can be exaggerated. This would be the case of Don Quijote and the Bella Dulcinea del Toboso.
9. Suicidal ideas about the idea of non-correspondence
The anguish at the possibility of not being loved makes the person who suffers obsessively think that life has no meaning without this love, since it is the only important thing, the only thing that gives meaning to his life.
10. Anxiety or depression for limerence
Maintaining any situation obsessively generates anxiety and a low mood that can lead to depression over time. In addition, the fact of focusing all our worth almost exclusively on how the other sees us, and whether or not we are reciprocated, greatly weakens self-esteem.
Limerence is different from falling in love because it tends to put the selfish desire to be loved ahead of building a relationship. And it can be disabling, since the person who suffers it can change their life around that beloved object, which prevents them from performing their tasks.
In relationships built from respect, intimacy, the search for in mutual interests and enjoyment among equals, falling in love is a fascinating period full of joy and satisfaction to share, which has nothing to do with limerence; Which one do you prefer?
Any thoughts about what is limerence? Welcome in the comment box…