5 tips on what to do
How to deal with this crisis of the couple bond that unites us to our partner?
Relationships are a kind of complex, deep bond and a great source of stimulation. There are conflicts, potholes, and difficulties, but they are one of the most significant types of relationships that exist.
However, throughout life, we are likely to experience more than one couple crisis. It is also possible that some people who already have a partner begin to feel attracted and notice other people, or get to experience falling in love with third parties.
What happens if a situation similar to “I have a girlfriend but I like another person” is reached?
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I have a girlfriend but I like another person: what to do?
Being in a situation where we have a partner but start to experience something for another person is difficult and can generate a high level of suffering not only for the current relationship but for the subject itself.
Although this will depend on the type of bond with the couple and the personality and perspective of the subject in this situation, in many cases we are facing a type of situation that can cause doubts, fear of losing the partner or hurting him, feeling guilty, Anguish, sadness and even in some cases depression.
This phenomenon can occur at any time in a relationship, but it is much more common (and it is when there is usually a higher level of suffering for both) than when we are in a phase of relationship already consolidated in which passion and falling in love have lost intensity.
In part, this fact facilitates familiarity with the other person, as well as the routine: new or different stimuli than usual can get a lot of attention. In any case and regardless of when you leave, the big question appears: what can I do?
1. Physical attraction or something else?
First of all, we must analyze and take into account if the other person really likes us at a romantic level, or we are talking about sexual attraction or mere sympathy. We must bear in mind that being attracted to other people is something natural, and does not imply any disloyalty on our part unless in addition to the mere attraction we carry out an approach for sexual purposes.
On the other hand, it is also possible that we only feel affection or sympathy for another person, without being talking about an infatuation and even without there being desire. Without going any further is what happens with friendship.
Now, if the other person happens to occupy the thoughts of constant way, if we prioritize the company of that person or if we are unsure of what it is that we feel, a deeper assessment of what this one generates may be advisable.
2. If we are facing deeper feelings … consider why
In the event that it is obvious to us that we are feeling something for another person that is not our partner and that goes beyond mere desire, the next step is to analyze the why.
In this sense, there are many questions that we can ask ourselves, and that can help us direct our thinking to discover what it is that our partner and this third person are really producing.
Some of them are the following:
- What does the other person have that makes you like it?
- Are these feelings born in a context of the conflict with the current couple?
- Is this feeling real or just a way to find a way out of monotony?
- Do you love your current partner or is it just love and habit?
- Do you like the other person in general or just one aspect of it, like the physical?
- Do you want to have something with that other person?
- Do you consider that the emergence of this type of sensations is due to some lack of the current one?
- Do you want to maintain your current relationship?
- Do you stay in your current relationship for fear of staying alone?
- Are you willing to give up your current relationship?
- Is there emotional dependence or codependence in the relationship?
3. Rate the alternatives
Once we analyze what we feel and a possible reason for it, the next step will be to raise and evaluate what alternatives we have. The main ones can be summarized as follows: continue with the current relationship or break it, and in the latter case try to start a new relationship or not.
It is advisable not to take the decision in hot and truly assess each option, what it generates and the possible consequences that may arise from them.
We must also take into account what it means to break, including what will change and what will affect each of those involved (something that may include other types of losses).
It is also important to keep in mind that we should not play with the feelings of anyone, or with your partner or with the person of your interest: others are not mere toys for our entertainment and enjoyment but thinking and sentient beings.
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4. Make a decision
Once the different alternatives have been assessed, it is time to make a decision about them. This final decision has to be made based on what we feel is right and sincere: we must act according to what we really want and with what we feel good afterward.
Whether we continue with our relationship or if we decide to break and start another the reason behind it can not be the fear of losing an opportunity, not being able to establish or maintain the relationship or to stay alone.
Neither should we subordinate the decision to the other: it is usually obvious that the fact of breaking will cause pain to our partner if that is the decision we make, but if our relationship does not hold up, it may be better to leave it.
5. After the decision
Regardless of the decision taken, it is necessary to take into account the need to assess what to do afterward. If we decide to stay with our partner we must assume the need to see the other person and also work on those aspects of the relationship that have made us doubt. Communication is essential, and it will be necessary to promote it and increase its effectiveness.
In the event that there are routine and monotony, you can work to experience new sensations and activities and introduce changes that allow you to recover emotion as much as possible.
If the final decision is to break, we must ensure that this break is carried out in the best possible way, without deceiving or blaming the other person. Nor should one try to force the other to be the one who leaves the relationship: if it is our decision we have to assume our responsibility. We must also take into account the possibility that our partner or ex-partner reacts badly, with anger, sadness or reproaches (although we must not admit violent attitudes)
In any of the cases, it is recommended, at least initially, zero contact with the person for whom we have not opted: if we are in a couple, avoiding who attracted us will reduce any possible discomfort or doubts, while if we break it is also advisable to cut off the contact or decrease it to the minimum in order to leave no doubt or generate anguish or confusion to the person left or even ourselves.