Sentimental relationships: here is a guide to avoid mistakes when you are going to choose a partner.
Why do we fail so much to choose a partner?
Why do we perpetuate relationships that make us unhappy?
There is the possibility of making love a conscious choice.
A decision made not only from emotion and impulsiveness resulting from falling in love. But also from rationality and lucidity.
The problem is not that love is predestined to failure: it is not. But knowing how to choose a partner is not always easy.
Wrong love choices
The problem comes when we rush to choose a partner.
….Either because we do not want or know how to be alone and we put ourselves in the arms of the first who gives us attention.
…..Either because we do not love each other, and we need another one that overcomes our lack of self-esteem with their care and affection.
……Or because they blind us certain characteristics of the other that prevent us from seeing the whole of their personality.
Looking for a protective figure
If we relate from the fault, we are likely to search the couple (unconsciously) for a substitute for our father, mother, a nurse, a psychologist or someone who fulfills all these roles at once.
This will cause the relationship to immediately become unbalanced.
That our demands will grow and that we will never see our needs satisfied.
That the other person is exhausted and that the relationship will eventually lead to unhappiness, hatred or breakdown.
Therefore, the main step that we always forget is to learn to be alone with ourselves.
Being complete people, treating our shortcomings, establishing clear life goals, managing our emotions, tolerating frustration and fear of failure, self-care and loving ourselves as unique and unrepeatable people we are … all these factors will allow our affective life to be Healthier and more beneficial for everyone.
Mini-guide to choose a partner
Once we have done that task of introspection and personal work we will be prepared to start a love relationship. Ready to choose a great partner.
What filters can we use when choosing the person with whom to start a relationship?
1. Remember our failed relationships
Avoiding the presence of the “ex” in the body of another person is necessary. Since we tend to always choose the same type of partners.
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And therefore to recreate pathological relationship patterns and end up always in conflict for the same reasons.
Identify what failed in your previous relationships and what characteristics the new partner (and you) must have in order not to end up just as bad.
2. Find points in common
Observe and identify the values, beliefs and life expectations of the other person. And assess whether they objectively match yours.
If for example, you do not want to have children and enter into a relationship with a woman who is wishing to be a mother.
Sooner or later a great conflict will arise that will lead or end the relationship. Or give up one of the members to her life plan, which will generate anger, frustration, and dissatisfaction.
3. Examine the conversation
One of the most enriching experiences of being in a relationship is to open up to the other person and be able to share emotions, concerns and feelings through the word.
When there is no fluid conversation, boredom and dissatisfaction are likely to come quickly.
4. Look at the sense of humor
Life is too short to decide to spend it with someone who doesn’t make you laugh. It is therefore important that you and your partner share a certain sense of humor and be able to have fun together.
5. The same degree of commitment in the relationship
Either a monogamous or polygamous relationship. The important thing is that both members agree with the degree of exclusivity through which they want to build their relationship.
Even following these guidelines can the relationship “fail”?
Of course. First of all, we have to free ourselves from the idea of the couple as something eternal, of the “forever”. Since, within the uncertainty that a relationship implies, everything can happen.
It is therefore important to continue building our life beyond the couple. Making it an important part of our life. But, not a whole, eliminating phrases like “you are my life”, “I can not live without you”, ” always yours ”more typical of emotional and emotional dependence than of love.
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