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Feeling love for your partner again and again as the first day


Feeling love bringing back the illusion of falling in love has to do with changing the use of the attention focus.

Many of the people who have been immersed in a relationship for some time, reach a point where they feel how that illusion of the beginnings of falling in love is fading.

It is not something abnormal, nor a phenomenon that speaks ill of the quality of the emotional bond; It is simply something that happens frequently as the months and years go by. That feeling of adventure and of discovering a new way of seeing life is losing strength, even if we cannot identify a specific problem with that courtship or marriage.

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Now … is it possible to feel love for the couple we experienced during the first stage of the relationship? Although by definition every moment of life is unique, in many cases, there are ways to make romance reappear with great force. Let’s see how to feeling love works again as it was in the beginning.

When the illusion of feeling love at first days of romance goes away

When a relationship begins, the experience that is lived is strongly related to the illusion and the feeling love that there are great moments waiting for us. This implies certain doses of stress, but usually, it is a healthy one, present in its right measure to keep us in suspense, pending how this engagement will develop.

In addition, learning slowly about what the person we are feeling love for is also something exciting in itself, and more so considering that through their point of view we also learn things about ourselves (which, in addition, they are usually positive, given the “optimistic” and idealizing biases typical of those who have recently fallen in love.)

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The emotional comfort zone of a couple

Now, although at the beginning of the relationship they are all discoveries. Later the couple relationship is based on habits and routines that give it stability.

This not only has the effect of making the relationship stronger and has a space in which to stay on a day-to-day basis (for example, through rituals such as breakfast and dinner always together); In addition, it has an indirect effect, but decisive in our ways of feeling and thinking. Specifically, it creates a kind of comfort zone related to everything that has to do with that relationship.

Thus, the price of making the love relationship stabilize and have the material means to prosper (through shared habits and common material resources) is to see how these exciting situations disappear and, with them, a part of the satisfaction felt by dating or marriage

The cause of this is usually varied, but it is believed that it has to do with two basic factors: the simple passage of time and the repetition of habits and “mental routes” from which one thinks about the couple and the role that one He plays in it himself. In this last element we can intervene, to make us see the first from another perspective.

The couple goes from falling in love to routine

It must be borne in mind that couple relationships are fundamentally the union of three elements: memories and styles of interaction between two people, that is, habits lived in common. When we consciously or unconsciously evaluate our relationships, we do it based on the memories we have of it (both the oldest and the most recent, of the same day) and in them, common habits have a very important role, as they vertebrate That narration

With the passage of time, by force, the simple probability causes various unpleasant experiences, generating anxiety or simply uncomfortable that we will live with the other person.

In addition, many of them do not have to be the fault of our partner but are part of external phenomena: a domestic problem with the facilities of the home, a family crisis with parents, etc. However, even if no member of the couple is responsible for these situations, those memories will remain there and will inevitably affect our way of perceiving the relationship.

The problems to sleep in the double bed, the bad relationship with a father-in-law, the need to manage household expenses … are elements that are part of the day to day but that, although we do not realize, we associate with the labeled memories as “love life as a couple” in general. These memories will not only consist of weekend outings to get to know each other better, or romantic walks along the pier: they will also include the cleaning tasks of the bathroom, the stress crises that the other person has experienced from having a lot of work, etc. Everyday destroys Any fairy tale.

Get feeling love in a couple to come back as at the beginning

Several researchers have proposed the idea that, since our memories and our unconscious learning of what life as a couple really affect the way we experience feeling love, one way to invigorate the latter is to reinforce the presence of positive memories that we can associate with that love relationship.

As our memory is very malleable, we can make those pleasant experiences more and more important simply by evoking those memories and, of course, doing our part so that those specific memories are abundant and have an abundant emotional charge; That means we must move and enrich our lives as a couple. In this way, when we think about the relationship, in the end, our attention will go alone to those exciting moments that really capture the reason for being of that courtship or marriage.

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