Fear in relationships as a couple greatly influences love, but it also allows us to learn about life.
In relationships, human beings find the greatest learning, the greatest satisfaction, and the most relevant and transcendent experiences of our lives … but also the greatest difficulties.
Our fears flow in the relationship with greater intensity as if that emotional bond implied a kind of emotional catharsis. What do these fears and fears lead you to? Where do they come from? And above all: how to solve them?
Fear in relationships
Human beings are naturally social and emotional animals. We need contact and relationship with each other to get to know each other and grow. “The other” is a kind of mirror in which we reflect.
But the couple’s relationship is different. In that mirror, our best benefits are reflected (the ability to love, understand and accompany, precisely through differences),
and our deepest difficulties also arise (fear of abandonment, the need to want to have control, the use of couple as a reflex to explode, jealousy, insecurities, dissatisfactions, etc.).
Learning as a couple is learning about oneself
The relationship as a couple is a projection of the state of learning and personal development in which we are.
Sometimes we believe that our relationship goes well just because our expectations are met. But this is usually only common in the early stages of the relationship, where two completely different people meet and join only based on their similarities and compatibilities.
Over time, difficulties, differences, arrive in a kind of egos struggle and where the greatest fears and fears are felt. Where do those fears come from?
Each person has a very particular and small point of view of reality. Each person interprets reality according to their vision, belief system, self-esteem, and especially their way of managing their emotions.
This makes you believe that “you are” in a certain way, you have specific needs (which are mostly fictional and also a product of those fears or fears).
All these difficulties are usually reflected in the couple and attitudes end up being defensive. Instead of joining us, we fight and try to control the other to fit our point of view and vision of what life should be like.
The conclusion is simple: you cannot, nor should you, try to control anything that is outside of you.
Related article: Expectations in love: how to know if they are realistic? 7 tips
How fear works
Fear is a necessary, basic and fundamental emotion for survival. Fear helps you protect your life. Thus, the problem with fear and fears is not your fears in themselves, but the way in which you manage your emotions and those fears in particular.
Couple fears are often too abstract, unreal, a projection of an event that has not happened. We have learned to live according to fear not by our past experiences, but by not knowing how to understand and manage our emotions in times of difficulty.
This leaves a mark on the couple that is reflected. However, precisely the relationship is a perfect opportunity to clean that footprint, learn to understand and manage your emotions and have them on your side instead of against you.
Related article: How to show love to your partner: 10 sweet ways
Emotion management to create confidence and security and overcome fear in relationships
The basis of everything that happens to us is in the emotions since we are emotional beings and the emotion is a constant in our life.
Which not only influences our mood but in every decision we make, behavior, way of communicating and of understanding life and interpreting situations.
Emotion management is lifelong learning. It includes 3 necessary learnings:
- learn to understand your emotions and not live in a conditioned way by them,
- Start learning to manage them in a functional way with a concrete action plan, and
- learn to generate confidence and security in your life and that this learning is forever. ( because you learn mainly about yourself).
Relations, with all their difficulties and hard times, are the most revealing experience of our life because they show us who we are and, above all, who we are not.
It is difficult to answer the question of who you are, but you can know who you are not: you are not all those fears and insecurities. Transcending them will be the key to live with well-being, both with you and with the other.