Reflect on love life: between the conventional and the postmodern
It is in the novels, television, movies and even in the public life of celebrities. Love seems to be one of the most and best elements installed in the culture of the mass media, and every day we receive by dripping information about what is, or should be, a conventional love life, recognizable by all, normalized.
Of course, in some cases it can be comforting to have a “mold” to lead through it a couple of relationship with few complications and without moments of ambiguity, but it is also true that clinging to certain effective roles in an irreflexive way can have consequences negative, reduce spontaneity to the love life and even encourage behavioral dynamics that do not fit with the personality and life habits of the lovers in question.
That is why it is healthy to question certain conventions about love, its myths and everything that orbits around stereotypes about life as a couple. After all, it is possible that your way of understanding the love life goes far beyond what is typical. The first step to rethink certain things and take love with philosophy? Reflecting on the concept of love itself can be a good way to do it, and for this, you can use these ten keys.
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10 reflections about a conventional love life
1. One thing is love, and another is the habit
Fulfilling each day with certain routines during life in common with someone is not something positive in itself or something that will make the relationship progress. In fact, it is not uncommon for certain rituals to be performed, rather than as a way of showing love or affection, as a way to compensate for affective crises that have not yet fully manifested or as part of an obligation.
Of course, for a relationship to prosper, a base of relative stability is needed, but this is not a guarantee of anything, but rather a necessary condition and not a sufficient one.
2. The routine is not bad in love life
The counterpart to the previous point is to take into account that there is no universal rule according to which the love life must be constantly traversed by transgression and changes of environment. In principle, a quiet life without great contrasts is a breeding ground perfectly valid for a consistent relationship. Everything depends on the needs of each person.
3. Beware of the idealization
The idealization is an exciting ingredient in the early stages of falling in love, but that often leads to cheating. It is convenient to know if you feel love for the person or for the avatar it represents. For this, nothing better than knowing this person in very varied contexts, not always in the same way and in the same place. Information is power.
4. Stereotypes about ideal couples
The stereotypes about the ideal couple serve to make certain roles recognizable immediately in series, advertisements, and novels, but in the love life they serve rather little and, what is more, they tend to bring problems.
Stereotypes exist precisely to guide us in matters in which we invest little time and whose results are not of great importance, as our way of considering someone who appears for the first time in a movie, but the love life can become something much more serious than that and, therefore, requires that our brain renounce the autopilot to take directly the controls of the situation.
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5. Sacrifices are not proofs of love and love life
Whenever you act, a decision is made whose results have potential advantages and possible disadvantages. Naturally, this also works in love, and it is very possible that the maintenance of a loving relationship requires efforts in various areas of life.
However, it is necessary to know how to discriminate between these small sacrifices whose roots lie in the decisions that we must make as individuals who invest in keeping close to the other person (and that makes sense as such), and others that are artificial, created as imposition not justifiable by our partner or as a result of our imagination, our prejudices about love as something necessarily painful and a good helping of magical thinking.
6. Must be kept in mind about the notion of symmetry
Love cannot and should not be alienating, or it can become an instrument of manipulation. This second scenario may seem extreme, but it is not so much if we remember that love has a deeply irrational component and that many of the decisions and actions that we undertake from it do not seem to be directed to meet their own needs that are easily expressed or respond to a good that can be described objectively.
Manipulation has its reason for being when a manipulated person does not know that he is being, and can also charge the most subtle forms, or even be taken as something natural by everyone (even by friends and acquaintances).
7. Collective goals? Yes, but with communication in between
If it is sometimes difficult to know what you want yourself, knowing what responds to the interests of the group formed by people who love each other is a task for titans. That’s why it’s worth thinking about whether these group goals really are or have been enlightened by a set of colossal misunderstandings, paradoxical communication or “I thought you thought that …”.
If something, in particular, does not excite you, it is better to think about the best way to say it. With delicacy, but without leaving room for doubt.
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8. Where is the limit of sincerity?
Sincerity is an essential component in an intimate relationship, but so is privacy. Determining to what extent we want to expose ourselves to someone is fundamental, and it is also important to make this person see where he is at the limit he should expect. The important thing is not so much the proportion of the shared part over the private part as the fact that the other person is aware of its existence.
9. The temporary border
There is a great social pressure about the time that two people who love each other have to spend together, but it is not impossible that love exists even in cases where you want to spend a lot of time alone. This point also has to do with the prejudices about the love life understood as the beginning of life as a couple and the germ of a new family. Once again, we must know how to discriminate between social dictates and what the body asks for.
10. What is meaningful to us?
Possibly, this is the fundamental question when it comes to reflecting on love, whether as something abstract to something that we try to materialize in our relationship with someone specific. Giving clues about how to deal with it is, in fact, limiting the scope of its implications and depriving anyone who wants to respond to it.
Pages and pages have been written in philosophy books about how to give meaning to all vital projects worthy of being called as such, and this also includes, of course, treatises on love. After all, a loving relationship is worthwhile if it is in any way meaningful to us, even if it is difficult to express in words.
Of course, it is not necessary to devote oneself professionally to philosophy in order to lose the fear of this issue and make it reflect on its fruits. And more considering that it is a private task, which must be resolved with the raw material of each one’s experiences.
So, what you think about love life? Tell us in the comment box…
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